I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
