I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
