i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
