This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
