too bad you live with your parents still
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
