My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you will always have a special place in my vag
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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