our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
