what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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