I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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