Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
