watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
