you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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