please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
