break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
