He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
