3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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