Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
