So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
