Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
