Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
