Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
