Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
