What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
