He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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