I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
