I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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