i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
