Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
