Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
