I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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