I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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