hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
