At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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