U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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