If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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