it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
