I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
