What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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