Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
