my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
