I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
