okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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