She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
