i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I wear drunk well.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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