woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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