There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just invented taco cereal.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
