I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize