hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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