I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
