His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
