Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
