what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
