talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
