woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
