he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
