Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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