A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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