btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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